Ludovico Technique

Goodbye Blogger, Hello Nurse!

2010-09-27T01:17:00.001-07:00

This is officially the last post in this version of the website since I had relocated to an different site at http://ludovicotech.wordpress.com/. It has the same stuff but is partially rewritten and proofread (meaning I changed the Backstreet Boys caption from "coming" to "comic" and I don't why I miss that?) plus couple of additions before I used my new articles there.

And last and not least, I thought I did a shameless plug on another blog-site called "The Observation Notes" which involves an blogger known as "inmate977" who talks everything about The Asylum including those Team 80s Icon shirts so check it out at http://observationnotes.blogspot.com and so on. Well, It's a bidding farewell to my Blogger site so I wish I have an montage song involved... but I didn't released anything in a couple of weeks so no Green Day's "Good Riddance" here. Seeya :)

Asylum Seeker: 2012 - Supernova

2010-09-08T01:48:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This review is (for now) reviewable in Mozilla Firefox and other browsers because something's up with it on Internet Explorer and I try to fix it (if you read the previous review, You've been wondering why I'm relocated this site in a couple of weeks time).

Before I start, I was gonna do an review of "Transmorphers: The Fall Of Man" but it somehow became an okay movie despite being an prequel to an very bad movie. Well, I do like the first half because of Bruce Boxleiter's acting while the second half... it is the usual prelude to an bad movie and is nothing interesting (it even has an ancestor to one of the first film's characters). So instead, I find an different Asylum movie that may make me angry than the last time and found an mockbuster... sort of!

The subtitle to the movie should be known as "The Fall Of Men" or "The Fall Of Mankind" because it can't be an alien invasion mockbuster if it involves the "fall" of one single bloke.

You see, I'm taking on the second movie made by The Asylum to involve the "2012 Phenomenon" and obviously an cash-in against Roland Emmerich's blockbuster. The first is released earlier and is known as "2012: Doomsday" but I will get to that soon so now I'm taking on a different piece of shit. I'm still not sure which one is the mockbuster and which one isn't anymore because there are two movies with "2012" stamped on it. They completely non-canonical to each other in terms of events and I don't know if The Asylum will make an movie called "2012: [Add An Subtitle]" but hey, that's Asylum for you.

Oh shit, I forgot about the fact that Titanic II also sets in the year 2012 but at least it doesn't have an apocalyptic scenario in this movie (Plus I’m reviewing this movie and not the novel so stay tuned).

The movie revolves Kelvin (Brian Klause, in an bad movie other than "Stephen King's Sleepwalker") whose mission is to save earth from some supernova shockwaves (or something like that). As for Tina (Najarra Townsend) and Laura (Heather McComb) whom after surviving an earthquake that killed two NASA agents (with an gun) that they must take an hideout to a bomb shelter. However, There's earthquakes, cyclones, superstorms and anything else on the way. First of all, The supernova that occurs in the movie is from the Lyra Constellation happening 200 years prior to the story (and the events referred to this movie occurs "Today" instead of 2012 for unknown reason). Second, The NASA somehow became an amalgamation of an usual space headquarters and a place full of agents with the guns. Since when does NASA became an federal agency? It's like saying “NCIS is the show with Lawrence Fishburne while CSI has that DiNizzo guy as the main character”.

An screenshot from “2012: Supernova” and several other Asylum movies that uses the same stock footage over and over and…

This movie is really that stupid and it has everything you should expect - from Terrorist saboteurs to stock footage from another Asylum movie (it has an scene of meteor showers over an city, does any of it sound familiar?) and an racial-insensitive Russian character Dzerzhinsky (played by an "Alan Poe" in his movie debut). Even there's an masked saboteur in fighting scenes with Kelvin and it's obviously an female because the later scene has the same saboteur unmasked and working for Kelvin meaning it's making us viewers dumb. I'm not really gonna say this is the worst Asylum mockbuster I've seen and I do wanna watch it for curiosity's sake. It's just an average asylum mockbuster with all Hollywood science, hammy acting and the average special effects. I would say it's recommended but if anything, it's just like few other Asylum movies and it's just my own opinion anyway so make your choice to see it or not.

I could pitch the Asylum for an "NASA: Houston" pilot starring Kevin Bacon as an federal agent with few other Asylum players but after seeing this, there's no need for an televised mockbuster series.

TGWTG Film Club #7: The Departed

2010-09-08T01:22:00.000-07:00

Note: While TGWTG Film Club changes movies each week, I have a bit of falling behind at this point. The reason why is because I've decided to make an podcast series called "Ludovico FM" but don't worry, I still make written reviews while trying to finish up my "Just A Harmless Attack" series plus this site might have a little relocation sooner or later. So anyway, let me start this review.

Any director has their ups and downs during their careers and Martin Scorsese is no exception since I know the cast members of The Sopranos made fun of him because he made "Kundum". I seen several of his movies and the last Scorsese movie prior to this that I have seen is The Aviator and it's pretty weird enough that Gwen Stefani gets a role. What? Lori Petty is not available (actually, don't get her since she still sucks) and that movie suffered Leonardo DiCaprio to slow his career down before The Departed. By the time this movie hits, it gained a couple of Oscars and great performances which ignite an "unofficial" comeback to Jack Dawson himself (this is before Inception and Scorsese's Shutter Island).

I bet Today's Gangster Culture makes fun of Scorsese because of "A Shark's Tale". Am I Right, My Homies?

This movie focuses on two different subplots – The first subplot involves Billy Costigan (Leonardo DiCaprio) whom after graduated to the police force has suddenly become an undercover agent to check on the wrong-doings of Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson). While investigating, He stumbles in the Brooklyn crime of blood and murder while he developed a relation with psychiatrist Madolyn Madden (Vera Farmiga). I can tell you that if you seen the trailers and television spots that if Billy Costigan will make it throughout the movie then here’s something you should know – It’s an Scorsese movie so don’t expect everything.

I've been wondering what Jack Nicholson and Matt Damon is watching at the cinema - I bet it has something to do with an emo teenager and an imaginary bunny named Frank.

The second subplot focuses on Colin Sullivan (Matt Damon) who’s been raised as part of Costello’s family of organised crime and had just graduated from the police force and had developed a relationship with Madolyn. Yeah, those two subplots involve both Billy and Colin becoming a narc and is a lover of the same psychiatrist. You might think it’s Hostel 1 & 2 combined but Eli Roth has nothing on Scorsese and those subplots are connected in a genius way possible. And what’s also genius about it is that “X” influences he lifted from Howard Hawks version of Scarface. By The Way, Has any guest stars of MTV’s Cribs ever seen the 1930s version instead of Brian De Palma’s acclaimed classic?

This makes the X-Men movies series more foreshadowing when it comes to the deaths of Jean Grey, Cyclops and Professor Xavier amongst many others. Damn, I hope Deadpool won’t be on the list (and I mean when it’s played by Ryan Reynolds and not some idiot who cannot speak).

This movie is a definitive of a modern masterpiece and is Martin back to this roots that he started on Mean Streets, it has good storytelling, awesome dialogue (especially from Nicholson and all-cursive Mark Wahlberg) and powerful score. There’s twists and turns and I can’t wait for the sequel because of one thing – Robert DeNiro returns to the movies directed by Scorsese. I fucking love DeNiro as an antagonist in those kinds of movies (he plays a corrupted senator) and I like to see how it goes so fingers crossed on that.

Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Wahlberg could be the best Hip-Hop duo if Marky Mark remained an hip-hop artist.

World's Greatest Dad: What A Dark Comedy

2010-08-29T02:40:00.000-07:00

We all know stuff about "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" phenomenon and it might be that possible that I might have met Kevin Bacon through these "six degrees" situation. I can't start and end at that point but I do say that it's now certain that I have met Bob Goldthwait. How? Because I went to this year's Supanova Convention at Sydney and met his former co-star Michael Winslow. Yeah, The point of where I have met Michael Winslow is seque to the point I met the director of this movie that I'm reviewing. Scary Enough, It might suggest I have met Steve Guttenberg through the "six degrees" theory.

Wanna know what's ironic? I have also actually met Rob Schneider when he promotes that Deuce Bigalow sequel in my quiet hometown of Liverpool. No really, I have met Deuce Bigalow himself when he's the only celebrity that I know have come to my hometown and that's freakin' scary!

The movie is World's Greatest Dad and it proves that Bob Goldthwait is not just that guy from Police Academy sequels (does anybody know he directed episodes of Chappelle's Show?) and it focuses on Lance Clayton (Robin Williams) whom while he's still an teacher in high school, he's also an author on writer's block and an hated father to his son Kyle. The character of Kyle is possibly the kind of son who's both an emo and an horny virgin with an hatred on both music and movies (he called these stuff "gay" and thinks Heavy Metal is the "faggiest" of all musical genres). While Lance is concerned that Kyle's dumbness might have send him to special education classes, something else happened when Kyle is jerkin' off the mobile pictures of Lance's girlfriend/co-worker Claire's pantyshots (he's actually doing doing autoerotic asphyxiation) which immediately killed him.

If this were another movie, I would be happy to see Kyle died while jerkin' off with that autoerotic asphyxiation technique but this is a movie directed by Bobcat Goldthwait so there must be hilarity, right?

If you just read the screen-caption, I'm correct that there's gonna be hilarious part of this black comedy story as Lance decide to fake Kyle committed suicide which also involves writing an suicide note. The note actually drew attention within the school and everybody thinks Kyle is talented (except Kyle's friend Andrew) and it leads Lance to write an counterfeit journal that gains an cult following. Lance is living the dream with his girlfriend, his friends and the school itself but for how long? Oh Crap, I just spoiled the story...

Did I spoil the whole movie? Well, I didn't tell you all about the ending, what's funny about this movie and everything else so at least I didn't spoil everything!

This movie is perfect vehicle for Robin Williams and unlike the other movie released that time known as "Old Dogs", It should be one of his greatest along with Dead Poets Society, One Hour Photo and Insomnia. Despite it being an independent comedy (and surprisingly co-produced by Richard Kelly), it should have hit it big in the worldwide box office. Maybe there will be a time when one of Bobcat's future directorial efforts will be on that path but seeing as we living in a world where the only huge Robin Williams movies are mostly the lame ones (eg. Richard Donnor's Jack). Well, I recommend everybody to see this movie including the anti-Robin Williams followers.

Old Dogs - The only way I could see this movie is because Seth Green's in it. However, He also voiced in the horrible show that is Family Guy (just get off the show and do more Robot Chicken, please).

Just A Harmless Attack #2: Social Networks

2010-08-29T02:00:00.000-07:00

It's already obvious that we live in the kind of age of tomorrow that even H.G. Wells didn't get to describe in one of his novels. We have portable MP3 Players, Hybrid Vehicles and Touch-Screen Computers that might sometimes have an glitch in somebody's free time. I'm kind of an social type when it comes to various forms of Internet - from Forums, YouTube and Email Services. But for Social Networks, I'm kinda an anti-Social type when it comes to that so I'm gonna give my take on three major Social Networks plus one that I so against. Thankfully, I don't anything to say about CraigsList or Tagged because I never researched/visited those so in this "Just A Harmless Attack" installment - It's me against most of The Social Network.

MySpace: This is unlike anything I done before but here's an surprise - I have nothing against MySpace at all. And it's for a good reason. Even if I haven't checked out MySpace for several months, I still think of it as the original starting point of The Social Network itself. Well, I have little problems involving that but it's not like I'm gonna blame Tom Anderson for that. First, It's this MySpace member known as Corey Worthington and you might have heard of him. He's the so-called "face of Generation Y" and I fully hate this cunt. He's responsible for hosting the biggest parties in his parent's house that generated police forces and publicity and his second 15 minutes of fame is appearing in an "downunder" version of Big Brother. I really hate this jerkoff and he's by far the only member of MySpace that I wanna see him get comatose. Gee, I'm now heading for an dark territory.

I'm not certain but this picture of Tom Anderson is always on MySpace and there's no other updated picture of the man responsible for the original social network. Is he missing or something?

Another thing is that it has an spinoff network and I'm not gonna attack this. I'm just surprised that this site still exists today. What I'm referring to is MyDeathSpace.com and involves deceased members of MySpace which is still surprising. I never visited that site and I know this because WikiPedia have an entry on this. At least I do have say one thing - If there's an perverted jerkoff visited this site and get turned on by any deceased member. He/she should have been captured by the authorities by then because MyDeathSpace is only preferrable to be viewable for innocent families and friends (maybe some MySpace members) to each deceased member.

Corey Worthington - I'm not sure but since Lady Gaga was accused of being an hermaphrodite, I'm theorising that she used to this party asshole before an unheard-of sex change but that's just my theory.

Facebook: Like MySpace, I have nothing much against about Facebook. But unlike MySpace, I might go to the site anytime I want. Why? I'm one of those members of the "Tron: Legacy" viral campaign and it's because of the forthcoming success of David Fincher's The Social Network. This site is indeed mostly harmless since there's always news about stalkers and other evils on the internet. When I think of the ongoing MySpace and Facebook battle, It's kinda similar to the Coca-Cola Wars which is still happening since Pepsi is still around. So this is very shorter than anything else so my choice is Facebook is cool and awesome.

This is the person Justin Timberlake is gonna based on in the upcoming movie. Just as long as we don't see an reference to that Superbowl event then I'm okay with it. And I hope his acting is approved beyond Southland Tales.

Bebo: Now this one is an "interlude" of sorts to this installment because this network is still a major one but not in the same sense as the other three. I fucking hate Bebo and I could go on with this one. First, the name of this social network. Even though it stands for "Blog Early, Blog Often", It's still an very stupid name and the style on the website is stupid. I hardly visited this site but I know this because my younger sister used to be an member and any site is like an mid-nineties GeoCities type and all-sparkling. I have loads more but it will take up an whole fucking page so moving on to the even worse one... well, to me anyway.

You know there's an site called "Bo" which stands for "Blog Off", right? Oh, I forgot about the other two letters.

Twitter: Now before I start, I know that this network has many members that I know ranging from celebrities to my close friends so I'm not gonna attack the followers. It's just I'm attacking the site itself so what the fuck am I gonna say about Twitter? It's the Social Network counterpart to the forthcoming apocalypse. I hate this more than Bebo and I wish I could go on and on about this shit of an phenomenon. Twitter is considered to be the so-called "SMS of the Internet" and it's because it involves only 140 characters worth of each entry. Hello, we have other blog sites and it has much, much more than that. Do I even wanna check somebody's entry saying that 10 minutes ago, he wrote "I just went shat on the toilet and what comes out is Bono of U2"? Fuck no. It's sadly now dominate everywhere on Earth from news bulletins to any comic book. I actually do have one person against this thing and it's the guy who made Twitter well-known. I'm talking about Ashton Kutcher, the star of The '70's Show and Punk'd so what I do think of Ash-Kutch (okay, that's a funny nickname) now...

"I am Sir Ashton Kutcher and I invite you to follow me to the Twitterland"

That pretty much sums it up. While I can still any of his shows and movies, I now hate this fucking cunt because of what he did. Oh, and I'm not really gonna blame the network's creator Jack Dorsey because I heard he's not gonna get paid for the network's creation. I now felt sorry for him but if he have any cash involved - I could take an cruise to America and gone to his house to kick him in the groin even if he has bodyguard near him. But since he felt cash-free, what's the point? He's gonna get kicked anyway and he doesn't have bodyguards to pay for. Okay, maybe I did blame Jack for what I said so here's an screen-caption before I make an closing point of this installment...

Jack Dorsey looks a bit like Eli Roth so if it's played by him in an movie about Twitter, it means the Twitter members have been "ooh faced" by the director of Hostel.

So to end this installment, I can say that I can handle the sites that is MySpace and Facebook but I'm not an fanatic when it comes to Twitter and Bebo. Fuck, I once even heard Bebo's shutting down for good riddance to them hopefully anyway. I might be wrong on that part so until I make another instead of "Just A Harmless Attack", please don't give your social network an very shitty name.

Next Installment: I'm taking on the Dance Movies of both last and this decade. That means They gonna get served by me.

TGWTG Film Club #6: RoboCop

2010-08-18T02:08:00.001-07:00

Back in the eighties, We were given the kind of people that are considered icons from Chuck Norris to Pierre Kirby to... Steve Guttenberg (so sue me if I still like those Police Academy movies). There are also fictional characters that became part of our media culture and one of them is the perfect police officer known as RoboCop. Ever since the first movie hits, RoboCop is one of the franchises that is still around but today's people hardly took an notice. It gained two sequels, couple animated series, an television series and countless comic books. And yet, RoboCop isn't as big as Star Wars and Star Trek combined but is near there. I remember seeing this movie when I was a kid and despite the R-Rating, I can still watch it even with my soon-to-be divorced parents involved because it's that nostalgic anyway.

You know what? This would have been the best RoboCop sequel that I badly wanna see, I ain't kidding.

I really need to get an life but anyway let me review the first movie in an retrospective style. The movie sets within in the not-too-distant future and it involves Officer Alex Murphy (Peter Weller) and his partner Anne Lewis (Nancy Allen) as they try to bring justice to the war-torn streets of Detroit (which seems to be too late despite Devil's Nights and Gangsta Rapping involved there) but Murphy himself got killed off by one of the local gangs, which is lead by Clarence Boddicker (Kurtwood "Red Foreman" Smith). But don't worry, the Omni Consumer Products corporation have the chance to rebuilt him and became the six-million dollar icon known as RoboCop (I'm gonna stop making references to other television shows and movies). Meanwhile, Dick Jones has an alternative known as the ED-209 who is so antagonistic enough to kill few humans in the flick.

Kurtwood Smith came a long way from an little show with Patrick Swayze as an gang leader. What? You haven't heard to the short-lived television show "The Renegades"? Gee, I have seen the stuff you humans never seen (okay, this is the last shout-out reference and I swear to God on that).

While being resurrected as RoboCop, Alex Murphy has to obey the law while gaining his old memories involving his family along the way. And guess what? The action gets more bloody beyond Murphy's death involving the death of few characters before the showdown with ED-209. The movies then closes out with Dick Jones facing an crisis in the boardroom which results to his death and RoboCop giving the name "Murphy" to the president of the OCP corporation. The end (and that was pretty fast).

Finally, something worse that his own sex tape – Dustin Diamond as RoboScreech with boobs!

With Paul Verhoeven's directing style, This movie is very known and is must-recommended to those who haven't seen RoboCop. It's an stand-out for its ultra-violence through catchphrases (eg. "I buy that for a dollar") and it's also prefect to be just an stand-alone movie. Even those commercials (I wanna play that nuke board game) is awesome. Heck, It even has great sequel like the one with an foul-mouth pre-pubescent gang member. Okay, bad example but what about the flying Robocop one. Uhhhh, I remember an television show with that “Commander Cash” involved. You know what? Just see the first one because the others suck anyway.

Additional screencaptions time...

Michaelangelo approves of an Robocop Pajama guy so Cowabunga, Dude!

I wish I could interrupt Kanye West with the fact that his song is good but the movie is 100% friggin' times better. Oh yeah, I wanna go there.

Is this how Paul Verhoeven thinks of Robocop as an “American Jesus” figure (and in addition, Why there's an remakesploitation of Robocop that I haven't heard?)

Oh, not another one. How the heck did I miss that?

Last Ride: An Australian Classic!

2010-08-05T16:38:00.000-07:00

I don't what to say about this. I mean, I can't explain how good or bad is this movie I've just seen. I was gonna do Big Fish because I'm an Tim Burton fan but time has passed me by because of the other movie I've just seen. You know, I'm probably an Tim Burton fan when it comes to his work during the eighties and nineties because of Batman, Edward Scissorhands, Sleepy Hollow and Beetlejuice. Tim is still big but after Planet Of The Apes, his work is kinda differed than his pre-2000 classics. Hey, that's just me. So what I do review other than this week's TGWTG film club installment, how about talking about this recently released australian classic that I have a little hard time explaining what I thought of. Maybe I'll get back to Big Fish so it's fair enough to talk about "Last Ride" instead.

It's good enough I can review another australian movie but is it good enough to be forgiven for that Mad Max/Road Warrior fuck-up since Mel Gibson is the big thing because of his unthinkable phone messages?

This movie focuses of Kev (played by Hugo "don't call me Agent Smith" Weaving) and his son Chook (I don't wanna know who plays this kid because of that name) as they traveled to australia to see some places and sceneries but there's one problem - Kev is actually an fugitive on the run. What crime did he committed? It's never really explained and the only authorities we see is that police car in the woods and that's about it. During the travels, We see Kev being an total bastard when he is involved in a bar brawl (which is nothing bad to say about that), pushed an muslim woman to the wall (for no apparent reason) and smacking his son around while wearing eyeliner and makeup (is that something to do with Hugo's notable role in Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert?). Oh, and he later leaves his son while driving away in later scene so what a great father figure he is.

Seriously? Who in the right frickin' mind has name somebody's son Chook? Maybe it's an australian boganism thing but I ain't gonna name my son Chook or my daughter Chick

So what is my actual mindset on this movie? It's kinda like Gus Van Sant's Gerry mixed with vehicles, more actors and an actual plot. And what do I mean by that? It's just me so I think I'm bored at watching this movie. Yeah, that's what I said. It's an movie that has a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes and is an instant australian classic and I have a boring time watching this. Believe me if I say that I watched through this (including the sad ending that leaves Chook alone again) and it has some interesting parts but this movie is really boring. And that's just my point of view so do I recommend it? Well, I mentioned the Rotten Tomatoes part so it's safe-to-say that it's already recommended by anybody so it's safe to say "Yes" at that point. I can't believe my saying but I actually recommended an movie that I have boring time to watch so that can be something to say.

Here's another recommendation - The Return of Captain Invincible. Why? I may have not seen this yet but it has something to look forward to - Christopher Lee doing an musical number (and that's before he released an heavy metal album)

Asylum Seeker: Metal Man

2010-07-30T04:32:00.000-07:00

NOTE: This is the second of the ongoing "Asylum Seeker" which only reviews any movies that's either original or mockbuster to The Asylum. In addition, it also focuses on other mockbuster movies that's not done by The Asylum themselves in anyway whatsoever. Why is it the second? Well, Let's unofficially call "The Apocalypse" the first and get on with that.

I seen nearly all Comic Book media adaptations since it's one of my chosen sub-genres to anything and it's probably because I'm an self-obsession comic book fanatic and I got a little confession when it comes to these adaptations. I seen Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Howard The Duck & Batman and Robin and surprisingly enjoyed it. Why? I was a dumb kid when I have the only Superman sequel on VHS and was over-hyped on B&R when Arnie plays the villain. Damn, I wish I have that Doritos Cells Tie-In. As for Howard the Duck, It's now an "so-bad-it's-good" cult favorite. So sue me if I like these bad movies but if anything, They are nothing bad than this shitty mockbuster movie known as Metal Man. It's the worst rip-off of Iron Man ever made and it's surprisingly made by an studio other than The Asylum. It's that bad that I wish The Asylum did made the movie but denied that it's one of their properties.

Wow, The tagliners of the first RoboCop movie is sure gonna make an lawsuit

Before I start, I could say a couple of things. One is the production/release year of the movie - I wish I could give you the full details but I'm not sure of when it was made. Some places suggests it's made in either 2008, 2009 or this year. They should make up their fucking mind. If it's really made in 2008, I could spoil the whole story but I sworn myself to spoil a little other than the ending and twists to any movie release this year and the year before. I do make an new suggestion - I'll review it again as an second opinion and spoil you the full-length horror even if it's released this year. Another is that I'm surprised this movie existed. Why? Because not long ago, I did an DIY game on That Guy with the Glasses forum called "Make Your Own Asylum Mockbuster" which involves our take on rip-offs of any movies that Asylum hasn't done yet and this is one of the entry to the game. Why not my ideal rip-off of Twilight instead of this? Now all I wanna see is the moment that Joe Quesada sued these filmmakers now.

If you seen Metal Man, There's an chance that you should forgiven Joe Q for that "One More Day" disaster. And surprisingly, I'm now one of the people so you're now forgiven, mister quesada.

There's an story and a sub-plot involved - The story is that Kyle Finn (Samuel Nathan Hoffmire) is an college student who assigns to an experiment conducted by Dr. Arthur Blake (Reggie Bannister of Phantasm II-IV fame). During the experiment, Kyle is locked in cryogenic status (or something like that) with an "Metal Man" suit and Arthur got killed by the antagonist Sebastian Reed (P. David Miller). In an event of Arthur's death, Kyle now avenges and becomes the shitty hero that is Metal Man while he is aided by the so-called virtual simulation of Arthur himself (hidden on his armor helmet). Well, the whole part of the story is partly true but one minor flaw that I don't wanna reveal just yet. Trust me on this.

Didja know there's an actor known as "Count Smokula" playing an news reporter in this movie!!!

The sub-plot involves Dr. Marissa Lee (Jill Shackelford whom surprisingly both the actress's name and her character is missing on Metal Man IMDB page at the time I wrote this) works for Sebastian but secretly wanna stop him for the death of her father (It might be Arthur Blake or something else but it's not mentioned anyway) and her attempts failed when her assistant (Katherine Pawlek, previously well-known as "Emma" on those Lonelygirl15 videos) being killed and an latter scene of Sebastian pulling Marissa's hair while being an bastard to her. I'm seriously saying this so Sebastian Reed is the worst villain I have ever seen.

This is how Dr. Marissa Lee's assistant died in this movie. If you turned on by this picture, please seek help.

You Know What? It is now considered to me (and few-to-many others) as the worst Superhero movie ever made. It made me fucking depressed and pissed-off and I haven't been like that since the first (and only) time I watched Uwe Boll's Seed. Oh, Don't worry, I'm back to my normal ways now. First thing I have to say is the acting and while Arthur Blake and Marissa Lee are the only okay characters (well almost), I have problems with the others. First is Kyle Finn, He act like an whining bitch at the early minutes he's stuck in Metal Man suit and he doesn't act like an full-pledged superhero. Not only that, He didn't kill any supervillains because of Arthur's death (and one thing that I'm saving for another time so trust me on that as well). He did save about three whole people in the movie - Marissa, Some coked-up girl and Julie, Kyle's girlfriend but that's about it. Kyle saving three people, not killing villains (even sending them to prison would be okay but none of that anyway) and... Oh, I forgot to mention that the only time Metal Man ever flied is during the ending credit montage. This is an Iron Man rip-off movie and the only time to see him flying is after the main storyline ended. Are they fucked up in the head?

Metal Man, The only hero who refused to fly during the whole movie.

Then came Sebastian Reed, I'm just gonna say that whoever dated the actor himself should either date somebody else or get out of her closet because he's an woman-hitting bastard. He's worse than any villain I seen from The Red Skull (1990s Captain America Movie version) through even Sharon Stone in Catwoman. This actor should be having an heart-attack right now because I don't wanna see him act again after this travesty. Then we get to Kyle's girlfriend Julie (Leah Grimsson) and she also whines when she got captured by Reed's henchman. She even fucking acts like that when she sees Kyle being stuck in the Metal Man armor and I'm glad that the scene involving her and Kyle in the farm barn literally exits her character and it's that funny. Sure, there's this very-pointless dream sequence involving them later on but then she just exited stage left.

Julie is played by Leah Grimsson, her previous role is an 13-year-old character in "Polanski Unauthorized". Wait, What?

I got nothing much on Marissa's assistant and few others because they're pretty much forgettable but I do say something about Kyle's other enemy that is the Mecha Terror (which is owned by Sebastian Reed) and I think it was supposed to be the other main attraction but the thing is that he has pretty much an short theatrical appearance in the only battle that involves an an plane with innocent passengers and pilots being destroyed. That's right, An plane with unknown people is destroyed during the battle of Metal Man and Mecha Terror - Which one did it? Fuck if I'm telling you this so unless you pick the copy - remember my shitty rules.

This is what the Mecha Terror looked like. Is everybody pleased or not?

So there's the first take on my review. This movie is utterly shit, the acting is that bad and there's fillers here and there (for example, the most pointless Dream Sequence ever filmed). And for the armor, I think the Iron Man seen in Disaster Movie is a bit better than this. I'm now pissed again. And since The Cinema Snob does reviews on Shot-On-Shitteo movies, Metal Man could be "Shot-On-Bad-Porno" type of movie because of the camera quality. Come to think of it, Metal Man could have been the "Rule 34" reimagining of the Armored Avenger himself but there's no softcore/hardcore fucking involved.

If your boyfriend looks like an bad Iron Man Cosplayer, please tell him if he's seen "Metal Man" and runaway if he did.

And one last thing I like to say is the song in the final credits - All of us had rock out with Black Sabbath playing Iron Man (or some instrumental cover) in the movie but this tune known as "Heavy Metal Man" by Captain Crunch is nothing like that at all - Heavy Metal Man doesn't have the same type of musical style as Black Sabbath even if it's Ozzy, Dios and some other singer. I'm gonna spit this out now - Captain Crunch, don't ever tour in the land of Australia or you will get thrown by an beer bottle by me or somebody else. Yeah, I'm threatened this fucking band so now I wanna hear their say on that and I really do.

Ever since this band started singing, I also now forgiven both Nickelback and Creed and listened to their songs instead.

I'm seriously saying that this movie should not exist at all. Better yet, I still want Joe Q to sue these fuckers and let that lawsuit be mentioned in an issue of Wizard Magazine. And last and not least, This could be an perfect new flick to be on top of the IMDB Bottom 100 charts perhaps forever. I wish any of those happened so I'm saying now that if you like this movie at all, Please go to the nearest mental asylum and say "Shock Treatment" repeatedly (but don't say like you wanna see that 1980s cult classic). I don't wanna talk about this movie but maybe in 12 months time, I might. I even gonna spoil the shit, the whole shit and nothing else but this piece of shit. Seriously, this movie is that awful so I should stop. Now I need to lie down and return to my comfort zone.

The Room Screencaptions

2010-07-21T02:46:00.000-07:00

Note: Due to the fact that Nostalgia Critic and ObscuraLupa's separate reviews of "The Room" is putted back on blip.tv website. I decide to delete my original note and leave the screencaptions instead.

Forget Joaquin Phoenix, I wanna see Tommy Wiseau in the rap game.

Hmm, At least it's nothing like that billboard to The Brown Bunny.

Justine Ezarik is gonna star on ''The House That Drips Blood On Alex'' so expect some out-of-nowhere sex scenes and repeated use of dialogue involving cheating on Tommy's character with somebody else.

It might seem like an April Fool's Joke back then but I badly wanna buy this comic instead of that awful Lady Gaga one!

Just A Harmless Attack #1: Twilight

2010-07-18T07:21:00.000-07:00

Note: The following comments and jokes might offend Twilight fanatics. Then again, It might not so if you hate Twilight then please read along but if you like Twilight, well you can join in as well.

It is now certain that I'm yet another Anti-Twilight fan (or in their case, a''Twi-Hater''!) and while I wish I was called something else that these "Twi-Hards" having giving us (seriously, who named these names), I'm already certain that a very little group of people that likes the franchise is now reading this article. Well, I don't blame them if they hate the way I'm gonna talk about. Though, They should know that I'm not the person who thinks Twilight sucks so at least, I will be safe on this one. Oh and I try to keep it to an minimum just in case that I'm not some Internet Troll.

Spot The Difference: One of them is not an Twilight Cosplayer and somehow ended up on this picture.

First I'm gonna talk about the actors (and less about their characters) and I'll start off with the ''heartthrob'' that is Robert Pattison. Though I hardly seen any Harry Potter movie adaptations (I don't hate Harry Potter so that one is clear off the JAHA series), I know the fact that Robert himself is one of those adaptations and an perfect reason why the Hollywood executives are looking for an pale-skin vampire for this soon-to-be talked about movie. I'm not much against this guy but I do have something against two of his nicknames – R-Prattz and Spunky Ransom. These are the two of the weirdest nicknames for any celebrity that I ever heard. First of all, R-Prattz sounds like an childish rapper sensation and that seems to just cover it. Second of all, Spunky Ransom is both stupid and far-out funny. Not that it sounds like one of the names seen in ''Porn Star Name Generator'', It's just an funny ring to some teenage heartthrob. Spunky Ransom... It should have suit for somebody else but for this Edward guy, it's a bit hilarious.

''Duhhh... I'm Spunky Ransom. I'm da bess vampire in da hall wide road''

Then we get to his real-life (or staged) girlfriend herself, Kristen Stewart. Prior to Twilight, I have nothing against her anyway. She was good in Panic Room. But when she appears in the following scenes of this movie, She just looks either doped-out or very sleepy. Gee, I'm not even sure if she's acting perfectly. Let's say the next Twilight adaptation failed big in the box office and an premature ending to the franchise, then what will happen to ''K-Stew''? With or without Spunky Ransom, her life is probably darker. But that's just my point-of-view.

''Hey...I'm Kristen Stewart... And you might have seen me... Where's that coffee that I ordered?''

Then we get to Jacob Black himself, Taylor Lautner. I seen his previous role in ''The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl'' (Hey, I'm an Robert Rodriquez fan) and I enjoyed a bit of his performance but it's nothing interesting. But when he gets to Twilight itself. He is nothing interesting on the first one (which is the only one I seen... so far!) and that's before he went big on the sequels. Uh, I got one thing against him – He did the usual William Shatner shirtless routine (and that also goes with the rest of his Werewolf pack). Why? Is It just another fanservice idea for all the female fans? I don't much care about that.

This is the guy who not only used to be in ''The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl'' and yet, He is actually ''terrified'' of actual sharks.

I can't say much of the supporting cast, the villains and so on. And that's probably because I seen the first movie. But when I seen the television spots, the websites and anything else. It looks pretty weird and the weirdest to me is Dakota Fanning as an red-eyed vampire something, an shirtless Werewolf pack and that Jasper guy. Something is weird and fucked-up about this and If I were stoned watching any of these movies, will it work or still be weird?

Why does this image of Twilight Werewolves remind of something?

Oh, that's it! It reminds me of an screenshot to some bad David DeCoteau movie (Gee, Samantha Mayer must have strange taste).

The second part of this article involves the directors and while the first two is unheard-of-me (to me and until now), I can something about the one who directed Eclipse. First we have Catherine Hardwicke, the one who made the first one. She was already well-known for Thirteen, The Nativity and Lords Of Dogtown. I seen Thirteen and it didn't interest me and I enjoyed watching Lords Of Dogtown (I haven't seen The Nativity but maybe I will some day). Well, She deserved an free pass even though this is the director who did the first Twilight movie so I'm moving on to the second director. The one responsible for New Moon is Chris Weitz and he's the one responsible for Fantasy Island (the one with Malcolm McDowell), Down To Earth and About A Boy. I think he also has an free pass because well... I seen the stuff he did and also enjoyed it. Now comes David Slade. Then we have David Slade. Give me an second to think about my take on David Slade...

AAARRGGGHHH! Why Does David Slade suddenly direct an Twilight movie? Why?

Okay, done screaming at the outdoors. David Slade is the guy who did two of the best movies I very much enjoyed – Hard Candy and 30 Days of Night. He also made some cool music videos and prior to knowing he direct Eclipse, I think of him as one of the coolest directors of the last decade (I also think Richard Kelly is cool but he then made Southland Tales) and he is directing this sequel. What the fuck happened to you? You made Hard Candy, an perfect tale of Ellen Page brutalising an possible paedophile that is Patrick Wilson and you made 30 Days Of Night, one of the coolest comic book adaptation and this is how you end up with. Why? Is it because of the money? Is it because you like Vampires so much that the executives say no to you on ''Dark Days''? What just happened here? I'm not sure anymore but the person who directed Eclipse is not the David Slade I enjoyed and I'm pretty sure that you're replaced by an doppelganger or something. I'm gonna go outdoors again and scream in terror before I move on the next part.

This is how somebody else feels when he realised who directed Eclipse?

Okay, I'm gonna stay sane and get through this. Now comes the plot device. I already mentioned that I seen the first one and I should mentioned that I never read any novels (including Twilight) since well, sometime after school. I'm an fanatic comic book reader and it's the only medium of my reading material (other than news articles). This universe of Vampires and Werewolves seems to be inaccurate and it's not just that ''A Vampire Shines on Sunlight'' thing, it's something else. It could be that so-called ''Volturi'' and I seen better vampire coven in Buffy and Angel. Then again, it could be something else. There's also an Vampire-vs-Werewolf thing happening in Eclipse and I'm pretty sure that Stephanie Meyer watched too much of Underworld (or that awful sequel/prequel movies). I'm sorry if I can't help figuring it out what the fuck is going on so you just reading to an person who hasn't seen ''New Moon'' or ''Eclipse'' just yet.

The Bella lookalike is played by MistressMelia and damn, that is how accurate Kristen Stewart supposes to look.

This part of the attack is the Fandom itself and fuck me, I never seen the franchise so big since the Lord Of The Rings hits the big screen. There's stationary, graphic novels, figurines and even fake shit here. I'm pretty sure there's even an no-budget porn version of Edward and Bella's adventures. This... is getting way out of hand. Even the part about the nicknames like ''Twi-Hards'' and ''Twi-Haters'' which begs me the question on those nicknames. Why? It's more stupid than ''R-Prattz'' itself. I already confessed about me being an ''Twi-Hater'' and that sounds very stupid. Where did that ''Anti-Twilight'' name go? I rejected those kind of nicknames and prefer to think of myself as Anti-Twilight humanoid. Oh, and what else is disturbing is those Edward underpants... well let me say something about on this following caption/picture...

There's no friggin' way I will have sex with an hot female while leaving this underwear on. No friggin' way.

... But I have one thing about this Fandom that I can sort-of take and it's those related Soundtracks. It has my favorite musicians involved (and several that I hardly listen). I mean, I can take Muse involved in the Twilight wagon because Stephanie's an big fan of the band. I can take Beck and Radiohead involved in it so the soundtrack is pretty much having an free pass but please, no Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga or Simple Plan on the later soundtracks, Please.

Muse: Even with them on the Twilight bandwagon, They're still one of the coolest bands I know (And I wish I could think of an joke but dammit, This is Muse).

Is there anything else that I seem to be missing. I think I'm out of ideas at this point so at last, What do I still think of Twilight Saga itself. Other than David Slade, I'm still a Anti-Twilight dude but now that I dissect this multi-million sensation, it is okay that it's still around. Will I watch New Moon and Eclipse? I do have an younger sister so who in god knows. I can tell you that I'm not looking forward to ''Vampires Suck'', the latest parody movie as done by the Selterzerberg team and it's not just because it's about fucking with Twilight, It's more of the directors themselves. So in a safe way to say this, Twilight is not the worst thing to hit us by far and if you like or hate it, do so anyway.

Though, I don't listen to much of Paramore... I find the lead singer strangely attractive and yet, I'm not an Emo teenager!

So until I take on the social network next week – I decide to either watch Buffy, Angel, True Blood, The Lost Boys (well, the first one) or Blade It because that way, at least these vampires aren't that shiny.

Just A Harmless Attack: Introduction

2010-07-17T06:23:00.000-07:00

What does this thing have to do with the movies I'm reviewing and other articles? Well, I know that elsewhere online we have an neverending group of fans arguing about ''Who Shoots First?'' on the Star Wars saga while there are surprisingly fan forums, fansites and anything else of stuff you and/or I have hated (for example, Uwe Boll has his own fans in any so-bad-it's-whatever movies prior to well, Rampage). This focusing on me taking an look at anything I hated on my daily basis to ask this question: Does this [insert-name] actually suck at what I thought and have I been wrong all along?

Will Dubya be part of these harmless attacks? He did lied about the WMDs, right?

Plus, the title itself ''Just A Harmless Attack'' is just a bit inaccurate since there might be harmful stuff to say from time to time but I like the title for a reason – It sounds a bit like it comes out of an unaired Monty Python sketch. On the following weeks (while this week involves Twilight), there will be my point-of-view on The Social Network, Reality Television, Lady Gaga, heck... I even throw in Nickelback somewhere. Why not? And whatever the results will be – it will be such an ride.

Oh Twitter, I'm never an follower and I must know about your evil soul!

Oh, and if you have any suggestions to any JAHA topics that I might discuss in the near future (or movie reviews that I either have or will track down), just give me your words on francisdarko@ymail.com and also send me a message on That Guy With The Glasses forum (I'm there as ''GoofyHairOzzie''). Tomorrow, I'll be taking on the biggest thing to hit the modern-day culture that is the Twilight saga so get ready to send those hate e-mails.

Coming This Sunday – I'm gonna take on William Katt's screen test for Star Wars and why is it so overrated? (Okay, I was just fucking around but imagine The Greatest American Hero as Luke Skywalker?).

TGWTG Film Club Review #5: A Serious Man

2010-07-17T06:10:00.000-07:00

It's pretty obvious that I'm noticeable as yet another movie buff but here's the thing: I haven't seen all of Roman Polanski and it's not because of his charges against an underage girl... it's because I haven't got the time to see The Pianist or Rosemary's Baby. Heck, The only Sidney Lumit films I seen are Network and Before The Devil Knows You're Dead. And Surprisingly I haven't seen movies that stars Ronald Reagan but I do know he played an US President decades before he actually succeeds as one. I'm the kinda critic who has the average movie buff knowledge. And You already knew about my Mad Max/Road Warrior mistake. So now comes the Coens Brothers directorial works. Believe it or not, I actually seen all their movies from their debut feature Blood Simple through this movie. Not only that, I even seen Crime Wave and it's produced by them.

Joel & Ethan Coen: Making us believe that Fargo was an true story since 1996.

Since we getting to A Serious Man, It's another Coens movie that doesn't seem like the Coens themselves had made it despite no George Clooney starring role and no cameos with Bruce Campbell or Frances McDonald. Though I like to an Coens movie with Bruce Campbell in a starring role. One Day, It will happen.

An Coens Brothers movie with Ash in an main starring performance, It must happen! It must!

Like The Brothers Bloom, This movie is recently released and that means no spoilers and plot twist for another year or so. The movie sets in Minnesota in 1967 and focuses on Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg, who previously appeared in five movies) who's facing his mid-life crisis situation that involves his Wife leaving him for another man while his brother (played by Spin City's Richard Kind and a good performance here) is slacking off like he has no job and no place to live. Meanwhile, Larry's son is also in an situation of avoiding him being bullied before of the money that he borrowed for his high times with marijuana.

Larry Gopnik is secretly played by Jason Lee but the Coens can get away with everything (Yeah, I can't think of a good joke on the only actual screencap from the movie itself so sue me).

While Larry's life is fucked at this point, He is seeking his Rabbi priest in order to get an divorce but ended up with two other priests that he don't find suitable for the divorce situation, including one played by Simon Helberg (best known on ''The Big Bang Theory''). And while this movie involves what the Jewish life was like in the 60s generation, there's deaths, an dream sequence (I blamed the Oscars for thinking that was real in a 2009 movie montage) and bizarre scene with Larry's son and the Rabbi priest which involves the meaning of... well, you have to see it.

The truth about ''The Meaning of Life'': The title of an 1980s sketch comedy movie starring six well-known British comics. No seriously, The cast of Monty Python are gods amongst all comedians.

What's strange about this movie more is the prologue that doesn't seem to be related to the story other than the Jewish connections so it felt like the Coens made their own ''Big Lipped Alligator'' moment so it is a first and I know because I seen all the Coens movies.

Coming soon from the Coens Brothers: A Cereal Man starring Al Gore... and Man-Bear-Pig!

To sum it all up, this movie is okay and good to watch along with The Ladykillers, Raising Arizona and well, Intolerable Cruelty (which to me is the least-favorite of all Coens movies) and fun for a drinking game. So here's to the first Coens movie with brand new cast (other than Richard Kind and Simon Helberg) and drink it up because their next feature, True Grit is on the way. Before I done, I'm gonna review an non-TGWTG Film Club movie next week because I don't have an copy of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels which is one of Guy Richie's best so I have to suffer myself with something awful and bad.

So freaking what? I seen parts of ''Who's Nailin' Paylin?'' and to be truthful, Dick Cheney does the shooting of this movie.

TGWTG Film Club Review #4: Twelve Monkeys

2010-07-09T07:27:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentleman, I'm here to make something official – Twelve Monkeys is the best movie directed by Terry Gilliam. No, Really. To Me, This is the best Terry has ever done along with Fear and Loathing, Brazil and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The movie is suspenseful, mind-blowing and claustrophobic at the same time and I enjoy every minute of it. Now I know that it's not Terry's original idea since it's ''inspired'' by La Jetee, an 1960s short film with an similar plot and I never seen it. Sure enough, It can be seen on YouTube but I know how it ends... that is unless Terry change the ending up an bit. So let me start the story...

Did you know that Terry's original idea of 12 Monkeys actually involved Talking Monkeys? Nope.

The movie involves James Cole (Bruce Willis), an prisoner who keeps having dreams involving the death of an certain somebody on the airport. He exists in an now-alternate future where the virus (I call this ''The Gilliam Syndrome'' since I forgot what's it called or that they never mentioned it) drove the remained humanity to underground and let the animals roam the earth (or one city that well, I spoil you later). He is assigned to travel to the mid-nineties to see how ''The Gilliam Syndrome'' started and so on. But here's the fucking twist, Their time travel device is malfunctioned and actually sends him to 1990 to the point he is committed to an mental institution. You know what? That is an good plot device, An actual time-traveller send back in time and his actions landed him to the loony bin. We haven't seen that in other time travel movies before that (well, except that ''1985A newspaper article'' on Back to the Future Part II but moving on)...

Bruce and Brad are pissed that Ashton Kutcher's twitter stalkers are always near them.

During his stay in the Baltimore Mental Hospital, He meets two people that becomes part of his life – Dr. Kathryn Railly (Madeleine Stowe, who pretty much does few films and several television stuff before her retirement to the movie business last year) and Jeffrey Goines (Brad Pitt, who pretty much does more films before I discovered him to be an atheist and I can take that). Now Jeffrey Goines is send there because of his animal rights and anti-consumerism. Wait a minute, Brad Pitt plays an guy who's not down with Consumerism. Screw Jeffrey Goines, I'm just gonna call you ''Tyler Durden'' throughout the review.

Brad Pitt is an atheist! Okay, What is Angelina Jolie's religious status?

Back to the Baltimore 1990 storyline and the movie became filled with familiar Gilliam motifs and styles even to the point Jack nearly escaped but he eventually send back to his own timeline. Oh, and I forgot to mention that Kathyn thinks Jack is a bit familiar but we get to his third time-travelling part later. Nothing much happens before his second time travelling occurs when he accidentally is send to WWI era and got an bullet. Not only that, he's not the only time-traveller to being accidentally send there since his friend Jose. But don't worry, he is eventually send to the mid-nineties and kidnapped Kathryn who's now an best-selling author. Jack wants to track down Tyler Durdan but before that, they see an painted graffiti of ''Twelve Monkeys'' logo (along with Muse poster who predates the band's first album) and an weird shop with plants and animal noises soundtrack. It's claustrophobic at best and I'm going straight through Jack meeting Tyler Durden who's now acting like an spoiled son of his millionaire father (played by Chrisopher Plummer) and it's a matter of minutes before Jack returns to his timeline.

I didn't know Muse have the part of this movie, Sweet!

Before the third time-travelling act, Kathryn gets visited by Detective Elliot Stabler (okay, Christopher Meloni as an detective but who cares? He's still Stabler) and later discovers where she recognised Jack from earlier, on an WWI photo with Jose also pictured. Now on the final act and things are getting crazy, Kathryn now believes Jack's future history and they try to prevent the virus. While thinking it was Tyler's doing, they are actually releasing animals to the streets (along with killing Tyler's father!) and it was actually Dr. Peters (David Morse) who has the holding of the virus and about to unleash on the airport. Jack and Kathryn (in disguise) are attempt to stop Dr. Peters before Jack sees Jose and other time-travellers in the airport and this point explains the ending – Dr. Peter did unleash ''The Gilliam Syndrome'' and Jack attempts to shoot Dr. Peters but the security guards with guns stopped that. And Jack's death is being seen by an little kid who later turns out to be Jack Cole. That explains the nightmare part of the story.

Don't tell this kid but he will grow up to be Hudson Hawk and that Easter Bunny from North.

The movie ends with Dr. Peters on the airplane, Jack Cole closing the time loop and the world filled with animals. To Me, this is the best Terry Gilliam I ever seen (again, along with the other three I previously mentioned) and it's one of the best Time Travelling stories ever told. Now if excuse me while I'm gonna leap to somebody else and putting things right that once went wrong and hoping the next leap will be... well, you get the idea.

Sunuvabitch, I leaped into an monkey again!

What A Theme #1: Southland Tales

2010-07-07T04:37:00.000-07:00

Not only it's been few days since America celebrated their own day of independence, it's also couple of years since Richard Kelly's second feature known simply as ''Southland Tales'' tear the fabric of space/time continuum and this movie... in a bad theatrical-edited version is still fucking watchable at times. Why? Let's see...

''The Rundown II: Giving The Torch Back'' (I'm done with Dwayne/Arnie connection for good, by the way.)

Set in an alternate reality where WW III occurred following the nuclear bombing of both El Paso and Abilene, The movie focuses on Boxer Santaros (Dwayne ''I Am The Next Arnie, Bitch'' Johnson), an action star whose mind is empty enough to sleep with an porn star (or in perfect case, an celebrity who is so amnesiac that he fucked Sarah Michelle Gellar). Yeah, we get to SMG herself as Krysta Now, who resigned her position on the adult industry and made an hardly-watchable reality show, an energy drink that could have same flavours as Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt and an song where Teen Horniness is cool to perverted old man. Meanwhile, We have Seann William Scott as both Roland and Ronald Taverner, twin brothers where one is kidnapped and painfully injured at times while the other posed as the other who is working for neo-marxist group known as... uh, USIDeath. Yeah, they can't figure an better name but to confuse the civilians with US-IDent (I'll get to that in a second).

If Teen Horniness is indeed not a crime, Then I'll be scared to see if Paedophilia is the next option to be legal.

While not giving us further backstory (you better get Southland Tales graphic novel prequels that's still available), The US-IDent (lead by Nana Mae Frost and her husband Bobby, played by Miranda Richardson & Holmes Osbourne) are trying to keep America safe from USIDeath from bringing chaos and destruction. The movie gets into the point of I'm-so-confused territory as Boxer Santaros tries to find answers to WTF is going on and The Taverners are finding each other. However, They came into contact with past SNL cast members like Amy Poehler and Nora Dunn (even Jeneane Garofalo manage to appear in the film but her scenes are cut-out... well except one). There are parts that are fucked up (two CGI cars humping), not necessary (Christopher Lambert getting hurt in one scene) and some-are-okay (Boxer's contact with Treer which has Wallace Shawn, Booger from Revenge of the Nerds and so on). I'm gonna skip all parts including Jon Lovitz (who plays Bart Bookman!) and Will Sasso, who both of them are trying to act so-badass but there's failure involved.

I Just Wished Connor MacLoed had survived Highlander: Endgame and that way, Adrian Paul will be in this movie instead.

The end takes place on July 4, 2008 and it appears it's hello to Apocalypse as Boxer Santaros discovers his reason for being here, Krysta Now still doing nothing and The Taverners reunited only to find out they are both one and the same existing in the same space/time continuum. Yeah, Roland and Ronald are the same person but one is from an alternate future. I'm almost done, anyway. And they saved the universe by doing the same thing as the two characters on Ferngully (holding hands which has the glowing effect) and became new messiah according to Justin Timberlake (he's also in this movie) which means the End.

So the world ended on Independence Day... Didn't Roland Emmerich did something about that once? (This is taken from an concept art)

This movie is the perfect art of confusion and with many well-known stars (I forgot to mention Bai Ling, Mandy Moore and Kevin Smith as an legless Iraqi War vet who has an white hair) and while it has an decent soundtrack (except ''Teen Horniness Is Not A Crime''), this movie should extra timing on production like Apocalypse Now! To say it simply, this movie is not painful like the others and can be watchable but it does still create headaches to us all. I like Richard Kelly for Donnie Darko and I can take The Box but Southland Tales... well, I'm still waiting for that so-called ''Expanded Edition'' he promised us to deliver and maybe this movie will hopefully make sense... or not!

I'm not making any ''Kevin Smith as Santa Claus'' jokes because he still kicks ass, however...

... I wanna make an joke on Justin Timberlake with a scar so send me an email and maybe I'll steal yours instead.

I do have one thing to say – There's an surreal connection to this movie and the cancelled television series Jericho with 1) Boxer Santaros played ''Jericho Cane'' in a never-produced screenplay (I'm not going through ''End Of Days'' reference with another Jericho Cane), 2) Both involves nuclear explosions and 3) Both this movie and the pilot episode of Jericho have The Killers ''All These Things That I've Done'' (one in an BLAM moment with Justin Timberlake miming the song in a weird musical number). Seriously, I'm not sure if Richard Kelly watched that show and re-edit the script that's been done before 9/11 attack.

If this is Justin's attempt to do an duet with The Killers, then it seems to have failed.

It may seem to be the worst Independence Day movie ever but the world is still going so if you excuse me while I'm gonna watch Eraserhead, Blue Velvet and Mulholland Drive in one setting because at least these movies had some sort of sense. Oh, and you want a detailed and more-funnier review... you know a site called Agony Booth so uh, I will give the link to the first-timers just in case: http://www.agonybooth.com/recaps/Southland_Tales_2006.aspx

Wild, Wonderful World Of Weird Licensed Comics

2010-06-28T01:38:00.001-07:00

Since we the comic fanatics are fascinated with Atop The Fourth Wall with bad-to-weird comic stories to prove ''Does this Suck?''. There are a whole lot more to be told by fellow reviewers and since I don't have five of the weirdest licensed comic books ever made. I do have one below...

I actually own this. Why? Because it's the funniest parody since Barack the [insert-name] idea.

So here's the weird, the wonderful and the fucked-up comics that actually made it to the newsstands, comic stores and online:

Ape Nation
How about this idea for a crossover – Planet Of The Apes and Alien Nation. I mean, think of it. There's no POTA movie (prior to the comic crossover) since 1973 and Alien Nation is so famous at that time that after a then-successful movie, there's an television series that got cancelled after 22 episodes. You know what? That sounds fucking brilliant so greenlight that shit before we see an Married With Children/The Simpsons crossover.

''Damn You, Damn You All To Hell?'' Yeah, I got nothing.

The Backstreet Project
Here's something that doesn't make completely sense – An Backstreet Boys license webisodes that's written by Stan ''The Man'' Lee. Say that ten more times and see if you're still dreaming. Just when you thought there was Nightcat, there's this and beyond the web-animation, you can even get it in printed form. An story about a superpowered manufactured boy band as told by the guy who created the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man and even Ravage 2099. Wow, this is one episode of Atop The Fourth Wall that I'm looking forward to.

Since this coming is co-created by Stan Lee and Nick Carter, I Must Say... Wait A Minute, THE BACKSTREET BOYS ARE FICTIONAL!

Clive Barker's Hellraiser/Nightbreed: Jihad
Yes, there is an crossover between two of Clive Barker's notable works – Hellraiser and Nightbreed. Maybe, Marvel was trying to contained every Clive Barker's stories set in the same continuity (like that latter Razorline imprint that has superheroes/villains created by Clive himself) but despite not reading this yet, this sounds like a stupid crossover idea I ever heard. And yet, I haven't seen Nightbreed either. What surprises me is that Marvel is now doing Stephen King works like The Dark Tower, The Stand and N. So if Marvel went crazy like ''One More Day'' and decide to think of a crossover, I would like to see Stephen King's The Dead Zone/The Lawnmower Man. Why? Because John Smith might have the guts to stop the all-powerful Jobe. Oh wait? They might meant The Lawnmower Man based on an actual Stephen King story and not the loose adaptation.

Recommended For Clive Barker Fans, Hellraiser Fans And... Post-9/11 Terrorists!!!

New Kids On The Block
Now I strangely have a soft spot for the NKOTB and it's because I was a dumb under-10 kid obsess with the band and surprisingly I still do – well except during their Reunion era. Yeah, NKOTB with Ne-Yo sounds like Twilight meets Hammer Horror's Dracula franchise. And guess how many of their comic book is printed – 49 of them and here's the thing, three of them involves an crossover with Richie Rich, three of them involves an crossover with Wendy and one is printed by Kidz comics. Now you been wondering why there isn't much Harvey comics on today's new release shelfs. Well, the reason with NKOTB in comic form is from the animated series itself so for those who thinks NKOTB are the next Beatles – say that to the 90's kid (or late 80s girl).

WHOA! I just thought this NKOTB art is drawn by Mike Allred for a second!

Six-String Samurai

I seen this independent movie that blends Spaghetti Western with alternate history scenario – a perfect story of a ''Buddy Holly'' teaming up with an annoying kid on their travel to Las Vegas to take over as the King after Elvis Presley died. And when I checked Wikipedia? I was fucking excited. However, it is a one-shot co-written (and penciled) by the controversial Rob Liefeld. Of fuck, an continuation done by an guy who swipes various art and can't even draw feet most of the time. There must be an better comic book sequel than this Awesome item.

Remember Awesome Entertainment used to be that ''Awesome''? Well, maybe when Alan Moore was involved.

So there goes my choices of weird licensed-comics I have ever seen. There will be more soon but in the meantime, here's one of more screencap...

''Harvey Rockomics featuring New Kids On The Block''... It's so ''New'' that it's been over twenty years since they first formed.

Welcome To The Apocalypse (An Asylum Disaster)

2010-06-25T05:55:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks back, I revealed to all that I'm Aussie with not much knowledge of ''Ozploitation'' genre and it's also clear that the first Mad Max film is also classified as ''Carsploitation'' which surprisingly, I have little knowledge but seen several movies like The Italian Job, The Blues Brothers and god help me... Fast And The Furious and twenty-something sequels (I just found out there's an new one called ''Fast Five'' which has Dwayne Johnson involved... so following The Tooth Fairy, he went to a shitty franchise).

And Why did Arnie ''pass the torch'' to this guy on ''The Rundown''???

I try to think what Exploitation sub-genre that I'm more familiar with at the moment (and not to worry, I will have a look at those Mondo Cane and Blaxploitation in the not-too-distant-future) and so far, here's an couple – Carsploitation (I almost forgot about Death Proof and Death Race 2000), Remakesploitation, Slasher Films (or in my case, Slashploitation), Spaghetti Westerns, Stoner Films (or Stoneploitation) and Vigilante Films. Another one that I seem to fit in is the worst take on Exploitation sub-genre known as ''Eschploitation''.

''Hi, I'm Nicholae Carpathia and I approve this review.''

You see, Eschploitation involves according to wikipedia ''apocalyptic Christian end-times thrillers'' and you know that sounds both good and bad at the same time. Some are familiar with Apocalypse and Left Behind movies that involves the anti-christ posing as the messiah, an tribulation force and christian music that doesn't sound like Nickelback and Creed doing a duet (gee, that sounds like the worst mashup idea ever). Heck, some people say Neon Genesis Evangelion and Pulse (the American remake series) falls into the genre. However, I think of NGE as the best anime series ever and Pulse... I'm not sure that one is also eschploitation so am I missing something (I was talking about the remake by the way).

I like to imagine this show being talked about at any church (or in satanist religion's case, an hentai retelling instead).

Now on to the movie and it's the first Asylum movie I gonna review called ''The Apocalypse'' (no confusion to the Apocalypse film series) and it's the worst, horrible take on the eschploitation genre ever filmed. I think of this Asylum trash as eschploitation because it involves the Rapture, the Church but no Antichrist or Tribulation Force. Along with few (okay, several) other movies made by Asylum Films (and some associated with Faith Films like this movie), it should be on the bargain bin (or an average bin) because... man, it's the worst 95 minutes that I have ever seen (make that two times the limit because I just saw it again). I will tell you what the fuck this movie is about and why you should avoid yet-another Asylum movie at all cost...

So the rangers are just standing there looking at how this college party ended in fire? Pretty Weak.

This movie involves an married couple (that's sort-of separated but who cares?) known as Jason and Ashley (played by Rhett Giles and Jill Stapley, best known for some other movie) whom after witnessing an meteor shower and a mini-rapture (in the beginning, only Jason's police partner and his dog disappeared) who decide to travel to somewhere in Los Angeles to get to their daughter but guess what? There's Earthquakes, raining, more disappearances and whatever I forgot happening.

The Apocalypse: A Love Starring... Starring John Barrowman Jr & Blake Not-So-Lively.

Nearing on their daughter's whereabouts, Jason and Ashley question their religious views since it's the perfect way to find the daughter (meaning fuck-off to GPS system) before they end up to the same church their daughter Lindsay and strangely enough, more of the disappearances with only Jason only to get to Lindsay seconds before the big one hits the earth. Yeah, the movie ends with Earth being bombarded by a meteorite.

Huh? The shark still looks fake from here.

So just to recap the movie that is ''The Apocalypse'', it's about an couple-in-crisis who must go to see their daughter while the actual doomsday is happening and that sums up the synopsis of the movie. Okay, there is few minor parts of the movie that I get to enjoy and here's how I think of it...

1) Rhett Giles does the best Tom Cruise lookalike I ever seen (I wish I have the picture of that as proof but let's say it looks kinda like this).

2) The first death in this movie involves an college student getting hit by a mini-meteorite (It's so funny that it almost became an Meteor Man remake instead).

3) Guess what that movie's Priest looked like? I also don't have a picture from that but well, this is a serious lookalike description.

04) The pointless shots of an giant meteorite heading towards earth (and also getting away from it in a few scenes).

And that's about it. This movie indeed falls to the line of eschploitation because it's associated with Faith Films (along with four other Asylum films) and it partially involves the topic of religion. At least on the plus side, it doesn't have dodgy christian music or an tribulation force which has Kirk Cameron in it. Okay, I may not have anything against Christianity and since I'm an Catholic, we have our beliefs of the Almighty himself. It's just that ''The Apocalypse'' is the boring take on the genre and I can tell you that because I seen Left Behind and the first two ''Apocalypse'' movies and at least, they can be enjoyable (well, maybe not the first ''Apocalypse'' movie but that's another story).

If you ignore my review and just look at the screencaps, here's an spoiler alert for this movie I'm talking about!

At least, for once I take on an movie that isn't good for the first time and there will be more. So this is not just an bad movie, it's an boring, waste-of-time movie and if you're into that, go ahead. But be warned because its screenplay is written by David Michael Latt (aka the biggest producer of Asylum Films) and at the time of writing, it's #27 on the IMDb Bottom 100 list (believe it or not but including this one, I seen 49 of those on the list and several of them are good MST3K episodes) and with that list, it's the worst Asylum movie ever made... well, for now.

Good News: Asylum is making Titanic 2. Bad News: It doesn't involve an zombie Leo so... Fuck.

Oh, and here's an Cracked website review of Left Behind linked here at http://www.cracked.com/funny-638-left-behind/ (it's funnier than what I wrote here).

TGWTG Film Club Review #3: The Brothers Bloom

2010-06-21T05:42:00.000-07:00

The Brothers Bloom... Not Starring Orlando But At Least Miranda Kerr Dreams About It.

After The Week Of Mishap That Was The Road Warrior, I'm moving on from the shenanigans and get on to my third review known as The Brothers Bloom, which is an second directorial feature by Rian Johnson. Before I Start, I got two things to write – one is that the movie is released last year so despite the recent times, I won't spoil you the endings and twist and another thing is I was a fan of his earlier film known as Brick which involves Joseph Gordon-Levitt as an high school student doing detective work on the death of his girlfriend. Heck, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is pretty awesome in any movie I have seen (as well as 3rd Rock From The Sun).

Yes, I also seen Mysterious Skin and At least I find it enjoyable despite the controversial context like Aliens Kidnapping.

Now on to this movie, The story involves two Bloom brothers – Bloom and Stephen (Oh Great, It's the Super Mario Brothers Routine Again) who along with sometimes silent-but-indeed deadly friend Bang Bang do the usual conning stuff involving stealing cash before they sometimes get caught. Their latest mission is to use Penelope Stamp (played by the hot, hot actress Rachel Weisz) as a mark to get more cash while getting involved with ''The Curator'' and ''Diamond Dog'' (hopefully not based upon a David Bowie album title with an additional ''S'' involved). With Penelope involved, I can't tell if her breakdancing and other skills she used is by either Rachel Weisz herself or some girly-haired dude like what happened on Flashdance but anyway. Oh shit, I had drawn an blank and it's because of Rachel Weisz.

Oh Rachel Weisz, You Can ''Mummified'' Me Anytime.

Okay, back to the movie. She did fall to the plan by stealing a fake book and so on and so far, I can't tell you no more of the story so it's better if you see it. What do I describe the movie is as if Wes Anderson had an drunken night out with an female version of Michel Gondry and creates something that is almost Auteur-stylish of a good movie. It has great scenery, good soundtrack with Bob Dylan and Cat Stevens and surprising twists near the end. If Rian is trying to be an Auteur storyteller, it's working so far and he might succeed with it further with his next film called Looper (think Bruce Willis and Joseph in a time-travelling thriller... Sweet!). Next week is another TGWTG review involving The Talented Mr Ripley and sadly, I don't have an copy of the film (nor do I have a copy of Ripley's Game and three other movies that I didn't know of that has Tom Ripley as an character and Dennis Hopper played one of its incarnations... thank you Wikipedia) so I look for an different kind of movie to review so I won't spoil you that until then. At least the week after that involves Bruce Willis, Brad Pitt and their involvement in another Gillian masterpiece known as 12 Monkeys so that's all I got for now.

Dennis Hopper as Thomas Ripley and hopefully set during the 70s... I Must Track This Down Immediately.

OMG, I Made An Total Mistake

2010-06-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

Last week, I made an review involving the Road Warrior which was supposed to be "Mad Max". Turns out somebody informed me that the Road Warrior is actually an sequel to "Mad Max" itself... How could I fuck that up?

You may think he's drunk but this actually him pissed off at my last week's review.

It's like saying Magic Johnson is an magician or there's an place called "Fuck" in Austria. Hmm, Well I did my deed on turning on the review of the FIRST Mad Max movie so just in case people should know, what do I think of Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior?

In all my time on the Internet, I thought it was "Fuck, Austria" so that's two mistakes I made.

You gonna know of what do I think about a movie where Mel Gibson eating an out-of-dated dog food while Lord Humungus is the best gang-leader on post-apocalyptic Australia that he could even S&M on somebody's ass... It's still awesome to this day is what I think. The first Mad Max movie is an classic ozploitation while the second itself has the best chase sequence, the best lines of Max himself (all 16 lines in this movie) and has the kickass carnage itself. All of a sudden, I'm like an hyperactive underage douche talking about this but I'm not on any energy drinks today, I'm actually 25 and douche is an french word for "shower" (look it up if you don't believe me).

Either that or Ultimate Captain America saying "You think this letter on my head stands for France?" and enough of that please, I'm not a shower.

Well, everybody makes mistakes from time to time and this one is probably the first of many so I'm not do yet another apology and "moving on" like that final episode of Lost. At least, I'll post the Brothers Grimm tomorrow.

Okay, I was kidding about that "Brothers Grimm" but at least it wasn't a mistake.

TGWTG Film Club Review #2: The Road Warrior

2010-06-11T04:49:00.000-07:00

NOTE: After the time of this writing, I made an goof and thinking The Road Warrior is the first Mad Max movie rather than the second which is also known as ''Mad Max II: The Road Warrior''. I apologise for the confusion of this review and even made an apology on the ''OMG, I Made A Total Mistake'' post so yeah... everybody makes mistake and this is one of mine.

Since I'm an Australian-born critic then I'm here to talk about the thing known as ''Ozploitation'' and... It's best to see Not Quite Hollywood because I hardly seen any Ozploitation movies. Other than this classic franchise, the only movie of the genre I seen happens to be Patrick and that's about it. Oh, Don't worry... I did see several aussie movies from time to time but hardly in ozploitation genre.

NOW on to the Road Warrior or as we say in downunder ''Mad Max'' or ''Max Max, the Road Warrior'', this movie is the first of three (so far) post-apocalyptic ozploitation saga that everybody knows except one thing... the first movie isn't really post-apocalyptic. No seriously, some people say Mad Max takes place in Australia after an apocalyptic event. True, if you meant the next two movies but the first actually takes place while the event is still happening.

We meet Max Rockatansky played by a famous Australian actor known as Mel Gibson (even though he's born in New Zealand but let's not get ahead with ourselves). You see, Max is an highway police officer who hunts down nearby gangs through graphic car chase sequences. He is also an family man on the first movie but it's an ozploitation movie so something unthinkable is gonna happen.

Mad Max... looking Madder than before

The antagonist in this movie is known as Toecutter and his gang that remains nameless so I could make fun of his gang names throughout the review and Toecutter himself is pissed off about the death of his gang member Nightrider so what do they do? They vandalise the towns while Max and the other highway police officers is not around as well as stealing oil and that's about it. Max them became disillusional with his police force that he resigns his job and spend time with his family several miles outside his hometown.

What's next? A gang leader known as Sugartits (apologies with females and anybody that's been called that name by Mel Gibson himself)

And then we get to the point when Toecutter and the Fingercuffers vandalise the town that Max happens to stay in including attempts to rape Max's wife and with the attempt failed, how about killing her... oh, and also their only child.

With his family dead, Max is now Mad tuned up to 11 (Sorry, I can't find a angry Mad Max picture but it is fun to put the pictures of him not looking mad)

While it's too late for Max to stop Toecutter and the Goldfinders, Max then became an vigilante with nothing to lose and gained his revenge by killing off Toecutter and the Middlefingers (that's it, I'm done with the gang names) and left him to wander on the outback while the crazy shit is happening. The End.

This movie is indeed an cult classic and while there's an fourth one coming (with or without Mel Gibson, no less), who knows if it's gonna be good. Though I've been wondering what kind of apocalypse is taken place in Mad Max universe.

Well, Al I know is there's an fan-made speculated timeline (the link is on below) which explains Mad Max takes place in 2000 (or in George Miller's case, a few years after the release of the first one) and in few years time, there's an ''Oil War Apocalypse'' which involves empty oceans, nuclear holocausts and no mentioning of Lady Gaga, Twitter and the Twilight Saga. So take that, Generation Y.

Note: I'm actually 25 and that classify me as Gen-Y material so my bad on that. Yes, that's my third apology.

While it is just an speculation except the empty ocean part which if you seen ''Beyond Thunderdome'' where there's an shot of Sydney shown, let's leave it at that then. I also found out there's an children's picture book on the third movie and I seem to remember owning it once. I'm not kidding, an kid-made pictional adaptation of the third movie which is based on the first and second movie that contains scenes of violence and gore exists. I'm pretty sure it cost a hundred bucks on ebay by now.
Not only that, one of my parents used to own this book at the same time I got Beyond Thunderdome. The 80s are so weird and wonderful.

So if you wanna see Mad Max (or the Road Warrior), just see the non-dubbed version or see the dubbed version while smoking a joint and playing an drinking game. Oh, and who cares about Mel Gibson's recent controversies involving racism, sexism, alcoholism and anything else. He is fucking Mad Max and also he's Riggs because he's crazy.

In the meaning, here's the website of the timeline (http://www.madmaxmovies.com/archives/web-pages/alex-maddison-mad-max-chronology/mchron.html) and in addition an clip from The Chaser's War on Everything that's inspired by Mel's drunken stages:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8U9PqHsHB7s

So until I'm getting an copy of The Brothers Bloom and The Talented Mr Ripley, I'm gonna go beyond this review... Beyond Thunderdome, no less.

1) This is my fourth apology so there you go and 2) I'm pretty sure the progress is passed so the joke is already failed in a million places. Damn, I suck.

TGWTG Film Club Review #1: The Life Of Brian

2010-06-04T03:42:00.001-07:00

Over the years, we get several movies focusing on Jesus Christ's life that is either controversial or almost definitive. From the alternate take on JC on The Last temptation of Christ to Mel Gibson's bloody take on the Passion of the Christ. Hey, even there's an Buddy Christ in the View Askewniverse Catholicism. I, myself a catholic am not really offended with those movies that is considered ''blasphemous'' and so on. I can take those movies that translates Jesus Christ as either a Buddy, a Vampire Hunter or sadly enough a guy betrayed by the then-future Dracula himself, Gerald Butler.

Now, Monty Python's The Life of Brian is one of those loose adaptations with one problem: Jesus Christ isn't the main character on this comedy masterpiece, instead we get a naughty boy known as Brian who is not only born on the same day of the son of God but lives nearby, amongst few others in Jerusalem so who knows? Maybe the three wise man being to other places and considered the female child ''Jessie'' to be the daughter of God before they say ''Never Mind? The real child of god is next door''. So how does this movie that became blasphemous to many religions that involves Jesus even if he's not really featured as main character of the movie. Who cares because Monty Python is the best Gentleman's comedy club and they can do anything.

Whoops! I forgot about the Python Girl... and John Cleese's ex-wife.

This movie focuses on Brian Cohen (played by the late, great Graham Chapman) as he lives within thirty years of his life in Jerusalem. At that point of time, he became attracted to the rebellious Judith (played by Sue Jones-Davies) and it leads him to join the P.F.J. (also known as The Peoples' Front of Judea) which includes few other pythons as members. To be an full member of the group, he must make graffiti in the wall to the governor's palace and it became funny when one of the Romans want him to write ''Romans, go home'' approximately 100 times before the other Romans noticed his mischief. He escapes of course and later participate on another assignment which involves kidnapping. However, he later got captured and taken to Pontius Pilate who then he makes an mention of the name ''Biggus Dickus'' which is freaking funny enough that Brian escapes from the laughable roman soldiers.

After he tries to find places to hide, he somehow entered the alien spacecraft (on the time of the Bible, no less) which involves travelling to the stars and back before he returns to Jerusalem and became the next, best messiah later on without a mention of him being abducted by the aliens within the rest of the story.

At least this moment was better than the others.

After he became considered by others as the messiah and create an new league of followers and he keeps convincing them that he's not the son of god (no, he's just a very naughty boy) and getting away from his ''followers'', he runs into Judith and decides to do it like they do on the discovery channel. A day later, the followers caught up with him in front of his house. Seriously, how do they know where he lives... I mean, that's a mystery that should be solved. Oh, and the funny part is that that the followers saw Brian in a birthday suit. Well, in some Jesus movie adaptations like the Last Temptation, some Jerusalem locals see JC in a birthday suit so... I got nothing.

He later got captured by the Romans again and he is scheduled for a Crucifixion. Now, Pontius Pilate and yes, there's a Biggus Dickus involved in this movie makes an decision on who should be pardoned after many insane moments involving Biggus having speech impediment issues, there's more laughter and it is that funny.

Brian is then released but there's an problem and in a scene parodied from Stanley Kubrick's Spartacus... well, you get that part of other people about to be crucified shouting ''I am Brian and I'm a very naughty boy'' (Okay, that is the last time I'm using the almighty words of Brian's mom) and an downer ending to Brian happens when he is crucified but don't worry Eric Idle also has his character crucified and leads to this classic Monty Python called ''Always Looked On The Bright Side Of Life'' and that is how the movie intended to end, with this hilarious song.

I'm such a fan of Monty Python that I liked this movie along with ''Monty Python and the Holy Grail'' (and few others) and even if it is considered ''blasphemous'', it's actually harmless and watchable with your family, your friends. Even a drinking game can make this watchable. And to end this review, here;s something completely different:

MadMixMustang's Queen vs Monty Python
http://www.madmixmustang.nl/mp3/Monty%20Python's%20Flying%20Queen.mp3