Wild, Wonderful World Of Weird Licensed Comics

Since we the comic fanatics are fascinated with Atop The Fourth Wall with bad-to-weird comic stories to prove ''Does this Suck?''. There are a whole lot more to be told by fellow reviewers and since I don't have five of the weirdest licensed comic books ever made. I do have one below...

I actually own this. Why? Because it's the funniest parody since Barack the [insert-name] idea.

So here's the weird, the wonderful and the fucked-up comics that actually made it to the newsstands, comic stores and online:

Ape Nation
How about this idea for a crossover – Planet Of The Apes and Alien Nation. I mean, think of it. There's no POTA movie (prior to the comic crossover) since 1973 and Alien Nation is so famous at that time that after a then-successful movie, there's an television series that got cancelled after 22 episodes. You know what? That sounds fucking brilliant so greenlight that shit before we see an Married With Children/The Simpsons crossover.

''Damn You, Damn You All To Hell?'' Yeah, I got nothing.

The Backstreet Project
Here's something that doesn't make completely sense – An Backstreet Boys license webisodes that's written by Stan ''The Man'' Lee. Say that ten more times and see if you're still dreaming. Just when you thought there was Nightcat, there's this and beyond the web-animation, you can even get it in printed form. An story about a superpowered manufactured boy band as told by the guy who created the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man and even Ravage 2099. Wow, this is one episode of Atop The Fourth Wall that I'm looking forward to.

Since this coming is co-created by Stan Lee and Nick Carter, I Must Say... Wait A Minute, THE BACKSTREET BOYS ARE FICTIONAL!

Clive Barker's Hellraiser/Nightbreed: Jihad
Yes, there is an crossover between two of Clive Barker's notable works – Hellraiser and Nightbreed. Maybe, Marvel was trying to contained every Clive Barker's stories set in the same continuity (like that latter Razorline imprint that has superheroes/villains created by Clive himself) but despite not reading this yet, this sounds like a stupid crossover idea I ever heard. And yet, I haven't seen Nightbreed either. What surprises me is that Marvel is now doing Stephen King works like The Dark Tower, The Stand and N. So if Marvel went crazy like ''One More Day'' and decide to think of a crossover, I would like to see Stephen King's The Dead Zone/The Lawnmower Man. Why? Because John Smith might have the guts to stop the all-powerful Jobe. Oh wait? They might meant The Lawnmower Man based on an actual Stephen King story and not the loose adaptation.

Recommended For Clive Barker Fans, Hellraiser Fans And... Post-9/11 Terrorists!!!

New Kids On The Block
Now I strangely have a soft spot for the NKOTB and it's because I was a dumb under-10 kid obsess with the band and surprisingly I still do – well except during their Reunion era. Yeah, NKOTB with Ne-Yo sounds like Twilight meets Hammer Horror's Dracula franchise. And guess how many of their comic book is printed – 49 of them and here's the thing, three of them involves an crossover with Richie Rich, three of them involves an crossover with Wendy and one is printed by Kidz comics. Now you been wondering why there isn't much Harvey comics on today's new release shelfs. Well, the reason with NKOTB in comic form is from the animated series itself so for those who thinks NKOTB are the next Beatles – say that to the 90's kid (or late 80s girl).

WHOA! I just thought this NKOTB art is drawn by Mike Allred for a second!

Six-String Samurai

I seen this independent movie that blends Spaghetti Western with alternate history scenario – a perfect story of a ''Buddy Holly'' teaming up with an annoying kid on their travel to Las Vegas to take over as the King after Elvis Presley died. And when I checked Wikipedia? I was fucking excited. However, it is a one-shot co-written (and penciled) by the controversial Rob Liefeld. Of fuck, an continuation done by an guy who swipes various art and can't even draw feet most of the time. There must be an better comic book sequel than this Awesome item.

Remember Awesome Entertainment used to be that ''Awesome''? Well, maybe when Alan Moore was involved.

So there goes my choices of weird licensed-comics I have ever seen. There will be more soon but in the meantime, here's one of more screencap...

''Harvey Rockomics featuring New Kids On The Block''... It's so ''New'' that it's been over twenty years since they first formed.

Welcome To The Apocalypse (An Asylum Disaster)

A couple of weeks back, I revealed to all that I'm Aussie with not much knowledge of ''Ozploitation'' genre and it's also clear that the first Mad Max film is also classified as ''Carsploitation'' which surprisingly, I have little knowledge but seen several movies like The Italian Job, The Blues Brothers and god help me... Fast And The Furious and twenty-something sequels (I just found out there's an new one called ''Fast Five'' which has Dwayne Johnson involved... so following The Tooth Fairy, he went to a shitty franchise).

And Why did Arnie ''pass the torch'' to this guy on ''The Rundown''???

I try to think what Exploitation sub-genre that I'm more familiar with at the moment (and not to worry, I will have a look at those Mondo Cane and Blaxploitation in the not-too-distant-future) and so far, here's an couple – Carsploitation (I almost forgot about Death Proof and Death Race 2000), Remakesploitation, Slasher Films (or in my case, Slashploitation), Spaghetti Westerns, Stoner Films (or Stoneploitation) and Vigilante Films. Another one that I seem to fit in is the worst take on Exploitation sub-genre known as ''Eschploitation''.

''Hi, I'm Nicholae Carpathia and I approve this review.''

You see, Eschploitation involves according to wikipedia ''apocalyptic Christian end-times thrillers'' and you know that sounds both good and bad at the same time. Some are familiar with Apocalypse and Left Behind movies that involves the anti-christ posing as the messiah, an tribulation force and christian music that doesn't sound like Nickelback and Creed doing a duet (gee, that sounds like the worst mashup idea ever). Heck, some people say Neon Genesis Evangelion and Pulse (the American remake series) falls into the genre. However, I think of NGE as the best anime series ever and Pulse... I'm not sure that one is also eschploitation so am I missing something (I was talking about the remake by the way).

I like to imagine this show being talked about at any church (or in satanist religion's case, an hentai retelling instead).

Now on to the movie and it's the first Asylum movie I gonna review called ''The Apocalypse'' (no confusion to the Apocalypse film series) and it's the worst, horrible take on the eschploitation genre ever filmed. I think of this Asylum trash as eschploitation because it involves the Rapture, the Church but no Antichrist or Tribulation Force. Along with few (okay, several) other movies made by Asylum Films (and some associated with Faith Films like this movie), it should be on the bargain bin (or an average bin) because... man, it's the worst 95 minutes that I have ever seen (make that two times the limit because I just saw it again). I will tell you what the fuck this movie is about and why you should avoid yet-another Asylum movie at all cost...

So the rangers are just standing there looking at how this college party ended in fire? Pretty Weak.

This movie involves an married couple (that's sort-of separated but who cares?) known as Jason and Ashley (played by Rhett Giles and Jill Stapley, best known for some other movie) whom after witnessing an meteor shower and a mini-rapture (in the beginning, only Jason's police partner and his dog disappeared) who decide to travel to somewhere in Los Angeles to get to their daughter but guess what? There's Earthquakes, raining, more disappearances and whatever I forgot happening.

The Apocalypse: A Love Starring... Starring John Barrowman Jr & Blake Not-So-Lively.

Nearing on their daughter's whereabouts, Jason and Ashley question their religious views since it's the perfect way to find the daughter (meaning fuck-off to GPS system) before they end up to the same church their daughter Lindsay and strangely enough, more of the disappearances with only Jason only to get to Lindsay seconds before the big one hits the earth. Yeah, the movie ends with Earth being bombarded by a meteorite.

Huh? The shark still looks fake from here.

So just to recap the movie that is ''The Apocalypse'', it's about an couple-in-crisis who must go to see their daughter while the actual doomsday is happening and that sums up the synopsis of the movie. Okay, there is few minor parts of the movie that I get to enjoy and here's how I think of it...

1) Rhett Giles does the best Tom Cruise lookalike I ever seen (I wish I have the picture of that as proof but let's say it looks kinda like this).

2) The first death in this movie involves an college student getting hit by a mini-meteorite (It's so funny that it almost became an Meteor Man remake instead).

3) Guess what that movie's Priest looked like? I also don't have a picture from that but well, this is a serious lookalike description.

04) The pointless shots of an giant meteorite heading towards earth (and also getting away from it in a few scenes).

And that's about it. This movie indeed falls to the line of eschploitation because it's associated with Faith Films (along with four other Asylum films) and it partially involves the topic of religion. At least on the plus side, it doesn't have dodgy christian music or an tribulation force which has Kirk Cameron in it. Okay, I may not have anything against Christianity and since I'm an Catholic, we have our beliefs of the Almighty himself. It's just that ''The Apocalypse'' is the boring take on the genre and I can tell you that because I seen Left Behind and the first two ''Apocalypse'' movies and at least, they can be enjoyable (well, maybe not the first ''Apocalypse'' movie but that's another story).

If you ignore my review and just look at the screencaps, here's an spoiler alert for this movie I'm talking about!

At least, for once I take on an movie that isn't good for the first time and there will be more. So this is not just an bad movie, it's an boring, waste-of-time movie and if you're into that, go ahead. But be warned because its screenplay is written by David Michael Latt (aka the biggest producer of Asylum Films) and at the time of writing, it's #27 on the IMDb Bottom 100 list (believe it or not but including this one, I seen 49 of those on the list and several of them are good MST3K episodes) and with that list, it's the worst Asylum movie ever made... well, for now.

Good News: Asylum is making Titanic 2. Bad News: It doesn't involve an zombie Leo so... Fuck.

Oh, and here's an Cracked website review of Left Behind linked here at http://www.cracked.com/funny-638-left-behind/ (it's funnier than what I wrote here).

TGWTG Film Club Review #3: The Brothers Bloom

The Brothers Bloom... Not Starring Orlando But At Least Miranda Kerr Dreams About It.

After The Week Of Mishap That Was The Road Warrior, I'm moving on from the shenanigans and get on to my third review known as The Brothers Bloom, which is an second directorial feature by Rian Johnson. Before I Start, I got two things to write – one is that the movie is released last year so despite the recent times, I won't spoil you the endings and twist and another thing is I was a fan of his earlier film known as Brick which involves Joseph Gordon-Levitt as an high school student doing detective work on the death of his girlfriend. Heck, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is pretty awesome in any movie I have seen (as well as 3rd Rock From The Sun).

Yes, I also seen Mysterious Skin and At least I find it enjoyable despite the controversial context like Aliens Kidnapping.

Now on to this movie, The story involves two Bloom brothers – Bloom and Stephen (Oh Great, It's the Super Mario Brothers Routine Again) who along with sometimes silent-but-indeed deadly friend Bang Bang do the usual conning stuff involving stealing cash before they sometimes get caught. Their latest mission is to use Penelope Stamp (played by the hot, hot actress Rachel Weisz) as a mark to get more cash while getting involved with ''The Curator'' and ''Diamond Dog'' (hopefully not based upon a David Bowie album title with an additional ''S'' involved). With Penelope involved, I can't tell if her breakdancing and other skills she used is by either Rachel Weisz herself or some girly-haired dude like what happened on Flashdance but anyway. Oh shit, I had drawn an blank and it's because of Rachel Weisz.

Oh Rachel Weisz, You Can ''Mummified'' Me Anytime.

Okay, back to the movie. She did fall to the plan by stealing a fake book and so on and so far, I can't tell you no more of the story so it's better if you see it. What do I describe the movie is as if Wes Anderson had an drunken night out with an female version of Michel Gondry and creates something that is almost Auteur-stylish of a good movie. It has great scenery, good soundtrack with Bob Dylan and Cat Stevens and surprising twists near the end. If Rian is trying to be an Auteur storyteller, it's working so far and he might succeed with it further with his next film called Looper (think Bruce Willis and Joseph in a time-travelling thriller... Sweet!). Next week is another TGWTG review involving The Talented Mr Ripley and sadly, I don't have an copy of the film (nor do I have a copy of Ripley's Game and three other movies that I didn't know of that has Tom Ripley as an character and Dennis Hopper played one of its incarnations... thank you Wikipedia) so I look for an different kind of movie to review so I won't spoil you that until then. At least the week after that involves Bruce Willis, Brad Pitt and their involvement in another Gillian masterpiece known as 12 Monkeys so that's all I got for now.

Dennis Hopper as Thomas Ripley and hopefully set during the 70s... I Must Track This Down Immediately.

OMG, I Made An Total Mistake

Last week, I made an review involving the Road Warrior which was supposed to be "Mad Max". Turns out somebody informed me that the Road Warrior is actually an sequel to "Mad Max" itself... How could I fuck that up?

You may think he's drunk but this actually him pissed off at my last week's review.

It's like saying Magic Johnson is an magician or there's an place called "Fuck" in Austria. Hmm, Well I did my deed on turning on the review of the FIRST Mad Max movie so just in case people should know, what do I think of Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior?

In all my time on the Internet, I thought it was "Fuck, Austria" so that's two mistakes I made.

You gonna know of what do I think about a movie where Mel Gibson eating an out-of-dated dog food while Lord Humungus is the best gang-leader on post-apocalyptic Australia that he could even S&M on somebody's ass... It's still awesome to this day is what I think. The first Mad Max movie is an classic ozploitation while the second itself has the best chase sequence, the best lines of Max himself (all 16 lines in this movie) and has the kickass carnage itself. All of a sudden, I'm like an hyperactive underage douche talking about this but I'm not on any energy drinks today, I'm actually 25 and douche is an french word for "shower" (look it up if you don't believe me).

Either that or Ultimate Captain America saying "You think this letter on my head stands for France?" and enough of that please, I'm not a shower.

Well, everybody makes mistakes from time to time and this one is probably the first of many so I'm not do yet another apology and "moving on" like that final episode of Lost. At least, I'll post the Brothers Grimm tomorrow.

Okay, I was kidding about that "Brothers Grimm" but at least it wasn't a mistake.

TGWTG Film Club Review #2: The Road Warrior

NOTE: After the time of this writing, I made an goof and thinking The Road Warrior is the first Mad Max movie rather than the second which is also known as ''Mad Max II: The Road Warrior''. I apologise for the confusion of this review and even made an apology on the ''OMG, I Made A Total Mistake'' post so yeah... everybody makes mistake and this is one of mine.

Since I'm an Australian-born critic then I'm here to talk about the thing known as ''Ozploitation'' and... It's best to see Not Quite Hollywood because I hardly seen any Ozploitation movies. Other than this classic franchise, the only movie of the genre I seen happens to be Patrick and that's about it. Oh, Don't worry... I did see several aussie movies from time to time but hardly in ozploitation genre.

NOW on to the Road Warrior or as we say in downunder ''Mad Max'' or ''Max Max, the Road Warrior'', this movie is the first of three (so far) post-apocalyptic ozploitation saga that everybody knows except one thing... the first movie isn't really post-apocalyptic. No seriously, some people say Mad Max takes place in Australia after an apocalyptic event. True, if you meant the next two movies but the first actually takes place while the event is still happening.

We meet Max Rockatansky played by a famous Australian actor known as Mel Gibson (even though he's born in New Zealand but let's not get ahead with ourselves). You see, Max is an highway police officer who hunts down nearby gangs through graphic car chase sequences. He is also an family man on the first movie but it's an ozploitation movie so something unthinkable is gonna happen.

Mad Max... looking Madder than before

The antagonist in this movie is known as Toecutter and his gang that remains nameless so I could make fun of his gang names throughout the review and Toecutter himself is pissed off about the death of his gang member Nightrider so what do they do? They vandalise the towns while Max and the other highway police officers is not around as well as stealing oil and that's about it. Max them became disillusional with his police force that he resigns his job and spend time with his family several miles outside his hometown.

What's next? A gang leader known as Sugartits (apologies with females and anybody that's been called that name by Mel Gibson himself)

And then we get to the point when Toecutter and the Fingercuffers vandalise the town that Max happens to stay in including attempts to rape Max's wife and with the attempt failed, how about killing her... oh, and also their only child.

With his family dead, Max is now Mad tuned up to 11 (Sorry, I can't find a angry Mad Max picture but it is fun to put the pictures of him not looking mad)

While it's too late for Max to stop Toecutter and the Goldfinders, Max then became an vigilante with nothing to lose and gained his revenge by killing off Toecutter and the Middlefingers (that's it, I'm done with the gang names) and left him to wander on the outback while the crazy shit is happening. The End.

This movie is indeed an cult classic and while there's an fourth one coming (with or without Mel Gibson, no less), who knows if it's gonna be good. Though I've been wondering what kind of apocalypse is taken place in Mad Max universe.

Well, Al I know is there's an fan-made speculated timeline (the link is on below) which explains Mad Max takes place in 2000 (or in George Miller's case, a few years after the release of the first one) and in few years time, there's an ''Oil War Apocalypse'' which involves empty oceans, nuclear holocausts and no mentioning of Lady Gaga, Twitter and the Twilight Saga. So take that, Generation Y.

Note: I'm actually 25 and that classify me as Gen-Y material so my bad on that. Yes, that's my third apology.

While it is just an speculation except the empty ocean part which if you seen ''Beyond Thunderdome'' where there's an shot of Sydney shown, let's leave it at that then. I also found out there's an children's picture book on the third movie and I seem to remember owning it once. I'm not kidding, an kid-made pictional adaptation of the third movie which is based on the first and second movie that contains scenes of violence and gore exists. I'm pretty sure it cost a hundred bucks on ebay by now.
Not only that, one of my parents used to own this book at the same time I got Beyond Thunderdome. The 80s are so weird and wonderful.

So if you wanna see Mad Max (or the Road Warrior), just see the non-dubbed version or see the dubbed version while smoking a joint and playing an drinking game. Oh, and who cares about Mel Gibson's recent controversies involving racism, sexism, alcoholism and anything else. He is fucking Mad Max and also he's Riggs because he's crazy.

In the meaning, here's the website of the timeline (http://www.madmaxmovies.com/archives/web-pages/alex-maddison-mad-max-chronology/mchron.html) and in addition an clip from The Chaser's War on Everything that's inspired by Mel's drunken stages:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8U9PqHsHB7s

So until I'm getting an copy of The Brothers Bloom and The Talented Mr Ripley, I'm gonna go beyond this review... Beyond Thunderdome, no less.

1) This is my fourth apology so there you go and 2) I'm pretty sure the progress is passed so the joke is already failed in a million places. Damn, I suck.

TGWTG Film Club Review #1: The Life Of Brian

Over the years, we get several movies focusing on Jesus Christ's life that is either controversial or almost definitive. From the alternate take on JC on The Last temptation of Christ to Mel Gibson's bloody take on the Passion of the Christ. Hey, even there's an Buddy Christ in the View Askewniverse Catholicism. I, myself a catholic am not really offended with those movies that is considered ''blasphemous'' and so on. I can take those movies that translates Jesus Christ as either a Buddy, a Vampire Hunter or sadly enough a guy betrayed by the then-future Dracula himself, Gerald Butler.

Now, Monty Python's The Life of Brian is one of those loose adaptations with one problem: Jesus Christ isn't the main character on this comedy masterpiece, instead we get a naughty boy known as Brian who is not only born on the same day of the son of God but lives nearby, amongst few others in Jerusalem so who knows? Maybe the three wise man being to other places and considered the female child ''Jessie'' to be the daughter of God before they say ''Never Mind? The real child of god is next door''. So how does this movie that became blasphemous to many religions that involves Jesus even if he's not really featured as main character of the movie. Who cares because Monty Python is the best Gentleman's comedy club and they can do anything.

Whoops! I forgot about the Python Girl... and John Cleese's ex-wife.

This movie focuses on Brian Cohen (played by the late, great Graham Chapman) as he lives within thirty years of his life in Jerusalem. At that point of time, he became attracted to the rebellious Judith (played by Sue Jones-Davies) and it leads him to join the P.F.J. (also known as The Peoples' Front of Judea) which includes few other pythons as members. To be an full member of the group, he must make graffiti in the wall to the governor's palace and it became funny when one of the Romans want him to write ''Romans, go home'' approximately 100 times before the other Romans noticed his mischief. He escapes of course and later participate on another assignment which involves kidnapping. However, he later got captured and taken to Pontius Pilate who then he makes an mention of the name ''Biggus Dickus'' which is freaking funny enough that Brian escapes from the laughable roman soldiers.

After he tries to find places to hide, he somehow entered the alien spacecraft (on the time of the Bible, no less) which involves travelling to the stars and back before he returns to Jerusalem and became the next, best messiah later on without a mention of him being abducted by the aliens within the rest of the story.

At least this moment was better than the others.

After he became considered by others as the messiah and create an new league of followers and he keeps convincing them that he's not the son of god (no, he's just a very naughty boy) and getting away from his ''followers'', he runs into Judith and decides to do it like they do on the discovery channel. A day later, the followers caught up with him in front of his house. Seriously, how do they know where he lives... I mean, that's a mystery that should be solved. Oh, and the funny part is that that the followers saw Brian in a birthday suit. Well, in some Jesus movie adaptations like the Last Temptation, some Jerusalem locals see JC in a birthday suit so... I got nothing.

He later got captured by the Romans again and he is scheduled for a Crucifixion. Now, Pontius Pilate and yes, there's a Biggus Dickus involved in this movie makes an decision on who should be pardoned after many insane moments involving Biggus having speech impediment issues, there's more laughter and it is that funny.

Brian is then released but there's an problem and in a scene parodied from Stanley Kubrick's Spartacus... well, you get that part of other people about to be crucified shouting ''I am Brian and I'm a very naughty boy'' (Okay, that is the last time I'm using the almighty words of Brian's mom) and an downer ending to Brian happens when he is crucified but don't worry Eric Idle also has his character crucified and leads to this classic Monty Python called ''Always Looked On The Bright Side Of Life'' and that is how the movie intended to end, with this hilarious song.

I'm such a fan of Monty Python that I liked this movie along with ''Monty Python and the Holy Grail'' (and few others) and even if it is considered ''blasphemous'', it's actually harmless and watchable with your family, your friends. Even a drinking game can make this watchable. And to end this review, here;s something completely different:

MadMixMustang's Queen vs Monty Python
http://www.madmixmustang.nl/mp3/Monty%20Python's%20Flying%20Queen.mp3